Reflections on the day

I had a good day. I went to a therapist appointment, bought a couple of framed photographs and an antique Mah Jongg set at a yard sale, chatted and got together with friends and enjoyed the great weather we are having. I laid down for a bit when I got home - just relaxing - and I had this dream... I dreamt that I was getting ready to have sex with this guy. He started to act kind of strange in the dream, and I said, "I'm not ready for this..." and started to walk away. He chases after me and hits me over the head. I was able to get away in the dream. I woke up and thought about it - I already know that I am not ready for a sexual encounter - why is my subconscious wasting my time telling me something that I already know?

I was talking with my best friend on the phone just a moment ago. We talked about a lot of things - but the conversation turned to relationships - what we are looking for - the usual. Just because I am not in a relationship or even want to be in one right now doesn't mean that I don't want that in the future.

The guys that I chat with on-line all seem to agree that poz guys should date poz guys. I can understand that way of thinking, but I don't know that I agree 100%. Many have mentioned failed relationships with men who were HIV negative. They all blamed HIV status as the reason for the break-up. But I have to wonder if there weren't other issues going on, if maybe the HIV status issue wasn't just a lightning rod for the other problems faced in the relationship. Let's face it - neg/neg relationships aren't all that successful either. Neither are poz/poz relationships.

It occurs to me that relationships need open honest communication to work. To say that poz men should only date poz men is to my mind like saying that diabetics should only date diabetics, that people with cancer should only date people with cancer. I realize that there is a big difference here with HIV. You can't catch diabetes and you can't catch cancer... But every illness creates issues in a relationship for both the person afflicted and the partner who is disease free.

Maybe time and experience will give me a better perspective on this issue. I will keep you posted.