Ready...

The picture is maybe a bit of over-kill, but it shows a bit of how I am feeling.

I spoke with my physician yesterday, and I will plan on starting the anti-retroviral medicines on Friday. I feel good about the decision, but I admit that I am nervous about it at the same time.

I realize that starting therapy was inevitable from the moment I was diagnosed, but it still stings. This will require a greater deal of discipline than has been required in my life to this point. The idea that I need to take a certain number of pills at the same time each day, regardless of what is going on is intimidating. I know there are many people who do it, but I question how long it will take me to make this a habit or ritual to the point where I don't even think about it.

The bigger question for me right now, is what effect if any this will have on my life-style. Will I feel sick? Will I have diarrhea? Will I need to be careful about what social situations I put myself into? It's all kind of up in the air.

I have chatted with people who are on the same therapy that I will be taking, and almost universally they say it is easy with limited to no side-effects. I hope that is the case. I fear looking at myself in the mirror and seeing changes such as facial wasting, bloated stomach or a buffalo hump.

But, I need to remember, whatever changes I may experience are worth living without disease. The effects of opportunistic diseases on my body and body image would be far worse than what might happen with meds.

I come home tomorrow. I am looking forward to being in my own home again. The plan at this moment is to be home next week while I start the meds. I hope that the worst of the side effects will be over by the time that I travel again, week after next.

I will keep you all posted.