From a reader...

I received an e-mail from a reader - he gave me permission to publish part of what he wrote.

"One I have not heard you mention yet is the HIV+ casualness about sex with other HIV+ guys. I know gay men in general are fairly casual about sex, but there is a subset of the HIV group that sort of believes live and let live with regard to sex. Since they are infected, they feel they can have sex with each other without protection. It kind of freaks me out. There is some research to suggest that having unsafe sex can lead to super infection, etc. When I first considered dating again, I met some guys who invited me to join an HIV+ sex club. I jumped back in the HIV closet and have avoided dating since.

I also seem to find a lot of guys who prior to getting HIV, lead very promiscuous lives, including sex parties, etc. Not my scene. No surprise some of them are poz. I feel cheated, because I was being careful, dating without sex (hard to do) and trying to find a relationship. Serial monogamy leading to long term commitment was my hope.

Now, being celibate has almost become easy. Sex, and drinking (which is probably why I don't remember unsafe sex - I was drunk) are two things I don't have much interest in any longer. Hence, I'm not much of a bar frequenter any longer.

Anyway, just curious if you have run into the same preponderance of HIV+ guys who are casual about sex. You seem to share some of the same beliefs about sex, I think, that I do."


I have to admit - I am surprised by the number of men I see continuing to engage in high risk sexual behaviors. I understand the need to express oneself sexually, but to do so without safe sex practices appears to be irresponsible precisely for the reason the reader has stated. By combining strains of HIV, there is the risk of creating super-infections. It is possible that by combining strains of HIV, a new strain will be created that will be resistant to current medications.

It is difficult to assess what percentage of gay men actually engage in this type of behavior. I don't believe that the men I see on gay.com are a representative sample of the entire gay population afflicted with HIV. Of the men on gay.com, I wonder how many advertising for risky sexual encounters actually engage in them as well.

Any thoughts?

Thanks to the reader who wrote to me.