The Little Things

Mean a lot? Well - the little things give my day structure. They provide me with daily landmarks that are familiar and comfortable. Some things don't change, and it is nice to have those things around to keep me grounded in this unfamiliar territory.

I am talking about things like - the smell of the shampoo, the feel of the hot shower against my skin, the cat yowling at me because she can see the bottom of her supper dish... The list goes on and on. These things are small, but they represent 'normal'. They represent a life that isn't really out of the ordinary in most ways. Sure - there are some new, strange and frightening aspects to my life now, but these little things - they haven't changed.

I get contacted by people on gay.com frequently. A lot of the people who contact me offer encouragement and support for which I am extremely grateful. But there are others who have contacted me - because they are afraid of the virus. It's a healthy fear to be sure... but last night, a young man told me he didn't think he could go on living if he finds out that he has HIV. I understand that thinking. When I was his age - HIV had just been identified as the source of AIDS. I remember thinking - 'So this is how I die.' I thought - if I get this - I will have an 'accident' and no one will be the wiser.

Age has given me some perspective, and luckily time has provided us with treatments that offer real hope to those who suffer with this virus. While I understand the despair that this diagnosis brings, we need to be able to step back and remember, that this only changes our lives as much as we let it. Those little day to day things won't change, and in the end... those little things mean a lot.