Abstinence
After the last 6 months, sex hasn't been the 1st thing on my mind. 2nd or 3rd maybe, but a distant 2nd or 3rd. Between a bad end to a relationship and discovering that I am HIV positive - it's been, well - a few life altering events. Those events have changed priorities and my sex life has fallen prey to that.
I don't miss the sex per se. What I do miss is being close to someone, waking up with someone next to me. So it isn't the sexual abstinence that bothers me so much right now. The emotional abstinence is a little harder to get used to. I know that being alone - being a friend to myself - is an important thing to be able to do. But, I think building relationships is equally important - and for me - that can be kind of difficult.
I think it is for a lot of us. Being gay is easier now than it ever has been, I think. But being gay with HIV and trying to develop significant relationships is a hell of a lot more complicated. I have to decide - do I date guys who are positive exclusively? How do I know who is and who isn't? It's not like we walk around with signs or turn colors...
AND - when will I be ready? Only time will tell I guess...
posted by Dan @ 8:43 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Dan, you are going through a time of "fear of the unknown", but you go through it & do not stop living out each day. Keep going man!
My brother-in-law Wayne Aycock, many years ago in the east village of NY, w/ many of his friends went through this kinda of situation way before they even knew what HIV was. But now, there is HOPE & you keep going straight ahead w/ your young strong body & mind.
Hi, just found your blog. I really admire your openness and willingness to share and to educate. I know it's difficult for anyone to keep in mind, but no one (that i know of) wakes up every morning with a written guarantee from God of 365/730... more days of life, which is why we should ALL carpe diem. Wish you nothing but the best.
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